Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
