Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
