Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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