You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
PANTIES FOUND
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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