A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
