well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
