I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
my poor anus
Two words: blizzard sex
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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