Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
