I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
