tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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