Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
