I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
