Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
