I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
