he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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