i permit you to call me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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