What a fucking waste of an outfit
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
