Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
