If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
