dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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