no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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