I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
