Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
These tits shall not be calmed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize