One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
