I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
