Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
