Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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