actually, I'm a sock model
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
