You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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