Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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