Duck Duck Cougar?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
