I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
