he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
