Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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