i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
