dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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