Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
