I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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