I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
