having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
