I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
