im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have already put on my inside pants.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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