just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize