ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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