come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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