I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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