shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
