Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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