what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
