Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i believe in u and ur pee
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
