Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
