I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
