There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
