you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize