I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
