Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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