No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
