i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
