please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
