Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
