I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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