Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
