I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
