I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
