I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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