omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
