"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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