i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Vodka?
Forever.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
