if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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