There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
