But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
