My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize