he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
did i just pee glitter
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
