The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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