I showed him my bush... on skype.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
